What do I have to say for myself now?

It has been quite some time since I last posted.  Not sure what has possessed me to do so now, but it just felt like the right time.  I have been a busy little bee since the beginning of September.  Lesson plans, grad school work, grading papers, trying not to kill the annoyance that is created by it all.  I have barely had time to breathe, let alone sleep for more than a short stretch of 4 hours or so at a time.  I have been going crazy.  It just seems to me that I have been locked into a paper cup with no way out.  Every time I turn around, I am being pulled a new direction by something else demanding my time.  I wish I could just get away from it for a bit and enjoy life for the sake of life, but when you choose to take on as much as I have, you are sometimes left to writhe in the pain of your decisions until you are through.  Such is life…

Rick

What a long strange trip it has been

Well, I have been going at this blogging thing, sometimes inconsistently, for over 5 years now.  What do I have to show for it?  That is a good question to ask myself as I reevaluate many aspects of my life.  Am I a better person than I was five years ago?  I believe so.  I am not as cynical as I used to be.  I have a better understanding of exactly who I am now, which I didn’t have before.  I am much more comfortable in my own skin these days and I am exciting at the prospects ahead of me in my future.  I am content with my career.  I love teaching those hormone driven animals (Note to readers:  I really don’t think they are animals.)  I am getting ready to embark on the grad school journey to get my Masters Degree in Secondary Education; something I had planned to do for quite some time.  I own a house, a car, and other items that enrich my life immensely.  I can’t complain.  So has all this blogging helped me to understand where I am going.  Absolutely.  Has it helped me to understand where I have been?  More than most will ever know.  The bigger question, however, is; has it helped me to understand who I am now?  To that I have to say, yes, it has.  I think that has been the biggest accomplishment of all.  I now know who I am.  When I started all this, I didn’t know a thing about me.  Now I know more than I ever wanted to know and because of that I am able to move on with new things in my life.  I feel stronger in my convictions and will not let up in my pursuit to make myself the person I know I can be.  Overall, I think this has all been good.  Let’s just hope that in five more years, I am still going strong and haven’t given up.  (Though, I doubt that will happen now.)

Peace.

One day I walked out of the shadows to find that I was never really hidden at all.  For so long I kept that thought in my mind and could never fully get past it.  Then, as I escaped, I realized what I had known all along… Nothing.  “Nothing?” you might ask.  That is right; nothing.  At that point in my existence I had failed to achieve any level of personal success in my life.  Yes, I was out of college, in my career, and on my way through life, but I wasn’t the type of person to value himself for any personal accomplishments.  All I knew was that I felt an emptiness inside that I had always known was there since I was a small child.  I had no way to know how to fill it. All I knew was that I was on a life-long search to find the way to complete my emptiness. How was I to do it?  That was a mystery better left unsolved; so I choose to ignore it for quite some time, only to find that I was getting nowhere fast by doing so. It was at that point that I choose to search. I looked high and low, near and far, but yet couldn’t find what I need to find to complete me. Then a revelation occurred. I had been looking too far away on my search. I had not gone near enough to myself to find what I was looking for. Once I began to search myself, I was able to find it all hidden deep inside.  It had been there all along. Hidden in the darkest and most unexplored part of my soul. I had finally found that thing that took me so long to find… Peace.

Well, the decision has been made…

I have officially decided to stay with the Title I path for at least the next two years, so that I can go ahead and finish up my M.A.Ed. in Educational Computing.  I just decided that it was easier to do it while I am still in the job I am in and work my way out of it later… Just wish me luck because I am going to teach and go to school full-time.  I may just kill myself after all… LOL

Rick

What in the world has happened to Rick?

Well, that is a good question among many that I am sure the avid reader, if there are any, of my blog has been wondering.  Well, to give the quick answer, I have been busy… Yeah, I know, that isn’t an excuse, but I have been.  Now, I already know your next question: busy with what?  Well, the answer to that is why I planned to give the quick answer first and then elaborate for those of you who are bored enough to read this entire blog entry, because I am pretty sure it is going to turn out to be a very lengthy one.  So, here it goes. 

For those of you not in the know, the picture to the left is a picture of The RedBloods.  Who are The RedBloods you might ask.  Well, if you kept current with my blog, you would know that The RedBloods is an indie rock band from Huntington, West Virginia for which I am the bass player and on occasion, the lead vocalist, but that occasions are rare and mostly only entail one song called “Soul Receipt.”  Well, we have been busy, busy boys here lately.  We have played a few shows.  Wrote a few songs.  Recorded a ton of jamming and drum tracks to record further songs, but the big news is that we just finished mixing, for the time being, a trio of new tracks which we posted to our myspace page.  (Said myspace page can be found at http://www.myspace.com/theredbloodsband).

These three songs have been in the works for quite some time.  The first two had been demoed last August but it took us until December to get around to giving them a full treatment.  The first of these is “Underdog.”  This song differs very little from the original demo.  The only drastic change was the increase of the tempo.  It was an upbeat number before, but now it is a hard rocking beast clocking in at 3:04, paired down from its 3:45 mark on the original demo.  It is the one tune I have personally spent the most time on and I will probably spend more time on it later, just because I will never be completely happy with it until I get it just right. 

The second of the trio is our anti-ode to the wonderful state of Ohio.  We, as a band have banded together, no pun intended, to make sure that everyone knows our lack of enthuaism when it comes to the state of Ohio.  It just isn’t one of our favorite places.  Not really sure why for the rest of the guys, but for me it has to do with their complete and utter lack of the ability to drive.  Maybe one day we will release a version of the song with the set of lyrics I penned for it about abysmal Ohio drivers, we’ll just have to wait and see.  Many people are familiar with this tune.  It, along with Underdog, was one of the original 5 songs or so we started working on when we formed the band back in August 2007.  It, however, compared to Underdog, has undergone reconstructive surgery since its original demo.  We sped it up about 25 beats per minute, cut a section here and a section there, and just ultimately just made it a faster paced, charging rocker, instead of the mellow paced indie malaise it was.  Compared to the original demo we carved off a vast amount of time.  The original clocked in around 5 minutes, but now it finishes up in a quick 3:45.  Wow!  What a change.  The guitars are almost completely restructured, so we could eliminate the repetitive chunky rhythm that drove you to suicide upon the listening of the original.  Overall, it is a much improved song, so much so that is might just be my favorite recording we have completed so far, but only if I could get that bass line to pop out of the speakers a little more without it distorting.

The last of the three is a song you can only have heard at a live show, up until this point.  “The Art of Falling Apart,” which I now know from searching the web was also the title of the second Soft Cell album back in 1983, is a slight change from what most people probably expected from us after hearing the first demos we completed.  I happen to love the song now.  I know it still needs some work on the mix because I just can’t get that damn guitar on the right to fall into the mix the way I want it to, but overall it is a nice one.  Plus, it helps that I wasn’t there for the majority of the tracking so I am not used to how I think it should sound, but how it does sound.  That really helps when mixing the material.  Originally, this song was known as the “Eww Eww Song” because it took Seth, our main vocalist and rhythm guitarist, quite some time to come up with lyrics.  So it just existed as the opening section with the background vocals for several weeks until finally we got it just right.  I personally love the chorus that is not really a chorus.  The drum fills are absolutely outstanding.  Lonnie, our drummer, really out did himself on that drum track.  It isn’t easy playing straight 8th notes on the kick drum for that long of a period without really screwing them up, and he didn’t.  Lonnie, not that you read my blog, but you are the man.  (Oh, just realized that he isn’t Lonnie anymore, he is C-Rad.)  C-Rad, you are the man!

I hope you do take the time to go check out our fine work, if you want to call it that.  We started a few more just this past weekend, so, hopefully, we are able to get them posted soon too so you can enjoy them as well.  Go take a listen to them and let me know what you think.  Until next time, whenever that might be, have a good one and in the immortal words of my brother, “Have fun! Be young! Drink Pepsi! Wear a condom!”

- Rick

This is just one of those funny things I find on the net and have to post.

Three hicks were working on a telephone tower – Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, “Someone should go and tell his wife.”

Jed says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.”

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.

Bruce says, “Where did you get that, Jed?”

“Steve’s wife gave it to me,” Jed replies.

“That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?”

Well, not exactly”, Jed says. “When she answered the door, I said to her, ‘You must be Steve’s widow’.”

She said, “No, I’m not a widow!”

And I said, “I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.

A small update… for now…

It has been quite some time since I have posted… I have been running like a mad man just to get everything in my life back in order.  About a month ago, I took off to two different conferences.  One in Bridgeport, WV, about three hours from Huntington.  The other was in Dallas, TX.  Needless to say, I was worn out after not being home for a week and sleeping in hotel beds and flying via Delta and driving a ton… I really just wanted to make this post to post some pictures I took while I was away.  I hope you enjoy them…

The window from which Lee Harvey Oswald shot President Kennedy.

The Grassy Knoll, where the supposed second shooter was located… What a load of crap
My hotel in Dallas… This thing was huge.

A Weekend Filled with Noise

What a fun time I had this weekend.  Saturday night was the official life debut of The RedBloods.  We played to an amazing packed house at Marley’s in Huntington.  Okay, who am I kidding, it was no where close to being packed.  There were maybe 45 people in the bar all night.  No big deal.  We enjoyed ourselves and played a very good show.  It was fun to do our CCR style cover of Amy Winehouse’s Rehab.  That added a lot of humor to the evening.  Well, I am going to end this post for now, but in conclusion, here is the setlist from the show.  (All songs listed are originals unless noted)

Knock Down Drag Out
The Art Of Falling Apart
Zombies
New Song in B Minor
Wrong One
Rehab (Amy Winehouse)
Underdog
Women Whiskey and Wine
Bon Fire
Ruby (The Kaiser Chiefs)
Soul Receipt
To The Dogs or Whoever (Josh Ritter)
Banditos (The Refreshments)
Ohio
Mr. Whitaker

The Steps of Life

As we each go through life, we have to take steps to make sure we find the happiness that can truly make our life that much better.  I know that I have trouble finding those steps many times in my past.  Maybe it is just me, but I always seem to get misdirected and lost along the way.  Each step I take leads me to another place that I am unsure I want to be. 
For instance, I know that right now, there are certain things and people that I do not need in my life any longer. 
I just know that in the overall scheme of life, they are not people who can help me.  I will not say any names, because that would just be rude and inconsiderate on my part, but there are a couple people who I just will never understand.  First, there is an ex-girlfriend, who I ended my relationship with almost 3 and a half years ago.  I got a message from her a few days ago asking me to come over and hang out.  I, at first, thought nothing of it because she said she wants to build up the friendship we once had, before our actual relationship.  In the discussion of my possible coming over to hang out, she then decided to say that we could “play.”  I immediately began to think that she has an ulterior motive to her wanting to work on our friendship.  This is going to be one of those moments where I am going to sound like a rude prick, but I have to be honest.  I am not attracted to her at all.  She is no a person who I would want to “play” with these days.  In reality, I have sworn off play for the time being and will probably try to avoid it at all costs until I meet the right person and I am heading down the aisle. (It is just the place where I need to be.)  I was not very excited about all of that and now I am thinking it is time to just eliminate her for good and move on with my life.
Second, and this will be a huge shock, is another ex-girlfriend.  I got an instant message the other day from her, which was not out of the ordinary considering we talk quite often.  Well, in the midst of the conversation, she brings up that she feels that she has let “the one” get away from her.  So, being the caring and helpful guy I can be, I asked, stupidly, who she thought “the one” might be.  I should not have asked.  She proceeds to tell me that she thinks that I am “the one,” and that she wanted to see if it would work now, a couple years down the road from the last time.  Needless to say, I was shocked.  I did not really know what to do, so I just told her the truth.  I told her that right now was not the time.  I told her that I do care for her and love her, but that I cannot be in a relationship right now, especially a long distance one (she has moved back home to Columbus from Huntington now).  I think I kind of crushed her feelings, but I had to be honest with her or risk causing myself more pain in the end. 
So, as you can tell, I really need to step away from a large selections of things in my life so I can find my sanity again.  So, I am taking time and taking a break to find out who I am and what I have become in the recent past.  It may take some time, but I am sure that in the long run, I will be for the better.

- Rick

Heart Broken

Once upon a time, there was a man, without a heart to break.   This man was so cold that no matter what he tried, he was always crushed and at stake of falling into the abyss known as nothing.  That man was me.  I spent years just playing the game.  I never really felt anything (all because of an unnamed love to be named later, but if you know me you will figure it out).  I had no feeling.  I had no warmth.  I had nothing and at the time, I liked it.  Then came the one thing that will change your world view and outlook no matter who you are… A nervous breakdown.  I know I seem anti climatic at times when writing in my blog, but this one is definitely true.  Since losing my mind, I have became the most emotional person I have ever seen.  I lose it and cry during movies now.  I never did that before.  I can’t watch some of my favorite movies without even breaking down into tears these days.  It is sad to admit it, but I think it ultimately makes me a bigger man by doing so.

So, what is my point.  I wasn’t sure what it was going to be when I started typing this entry/post, but now I see where I am going with it.  I am tried of thinking back on being that heartless man.  I am tired of feeling that way.  I know that I am no longer that man.  I mean, heck, I even cried at my brother’s wedding.  I just need to find someone who will understand that I am emotional from time to time, unlike the average male who just keeps it all bottled up inside.  There are some things, I do not address aloud, and probably never will, but now that I am comfortable in my own skin and can be me, I am great.  I just know that in time, the heart broken man I once was will completely disappear and I will be able to live my life like an individual filled with love and joy and bliss.  I will be happy (not that I am not happy now, but you know what I mean).

- Rick