Well, it finally hit me today… I finally had something feel the need to pour out of my head and onto the computer screen… I think you will like this a lot… It is how I feel about you and my life right now, with you in it… I just want you to realize that you really are as amazing as I keep saying… I know that I have a hard time believing you when you say it, but I will over time… I really hope you like this… It was just one of those streams that pours out of me and I didn’t even realize how much impact it was going to have on me until I went back and read it and I did feel this giant relief come over me… Today, even though I haven’t done much in terms of my professional life, has been productive in other areas… I will explain it all later, because it would take way too much time to do right now… You are amazing Kristen Janell Barbour and I want you to know that you make me feel like someone again and you make me feel so happy and special… I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us because I can easily see me with you when I am in my 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond… You make me into someone, whether you know it or not, that I am very willing to become and who I want to become… But anyway… I have rambled on enough now… I hope you like my latest literary creation…
There you are…
Out of a haze, I emerge
And when I show my true self to the world,
There you are…
It wasn’t expected
And it was far from planned at all but
There you are…
I have been through enough
I have taken in too much and now I see that
There you are…
I never thought
That when I finally awoke from this darkness I was in that you would be there but
There you are…
I know that I was lost
And that it was what I needed to ultimately make me a person that I could be happy with because I went so long hiding behind what was a true mask of myself and as I come back to life and deal with the demons that exist
There you are…
It took rock bottom to force me out…
It took a crash so severe that I almost did end it all this time…
I stepped into the fires of hell…
I literally almost shook hands with the devil…
But I didn’t and saw my life for what it was and as I finally clear away the fog…
There you are…
Everyone always fears finally falling prey to what exists in fear…
I always feared my impending nervous breakdown…
I pushed it off for close to five years…
I denied that it was present…
But now that I have let it hit and fought my way back up…
There you are…
And with you here, I think I will finally be able to get past all that rocked my world for so long and I hope that I can help you do the same…
I know that when I fall in the future
There you are…
And when you fall
There I will be, too…
I want to be able to build on everything in front of me…
The future is unlimited; unlike it had been for me for so long…
Now I can step out and be what I was hiding for so long…
I can be me…
And no matter what comes my way I will know that when I look to my side
There you are…
5:11 PM – 08/14/06
for KJB
