Heart Broken

Once upon a time, there was a man, without a heart to break.   This man was so cold that no matter what he tried, he was always crushed and at stake of falling into the abyss known as nothing.  That man was me.  I spent years just playing the game.  I never really felt anything (all because of an unnamed love to be named later, but if you know me you will figure it out).  I had no feeling.  I had no warmth.  I had nothing and at the time, I liked it.  Then came the one thing that will change your world view and outlook no matter who you are… A nervous breakdown.  I know I seem anti climatic at times when writing in my blog, but this one is definitely true.  Since losing my mind, I have became the most emotional person I have ever seen.  I lose it and cry during movies now.  I never did that before.  I can’t watch some of my favorite movies without even breaking down into tears these days.  It is sad to admit it, but I think it ultimately makes me a bigger man by doing so.

So, what is my point.  I wasn’t sure what it was going to be when I started typing this entry/post, but now I see where I am going with it.  I am tried of thinking back on being that heartless man.  I am tired of feeling that way.  I know that I am no longer that man.  I mean, heck, I even cried at my brother’s wedding.  I just need to find someone who will understand that I am emotional from time to time, unlike the average male who just keeps it all bottled up inside.  There are some things, I do not address aloud, and probably never will, but now that I am comfortable in my own skin and can be me, I am great.  I just know that in time, the heart broken man I once was will completely disappear and I will be able to live my life like an individual filled with love and joy and bliss.  I will be happy (not that I am not happy now, but you know what I mean).

- Rick

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